This Is It!...Time to try!!

We have met with and chosen our midwife.

We know where we want to deliver (Swedish in the Highlands).

I have been taking prenatal vitamins for two months.

I have been off birth control for two full cycles and we have been "careful" (obviously careful enough and I am obviously someone who will not just get pregnant super fast even though everyone keeps telling me that I will not knowing I have been off the pill for two months already with no luck).

I am on the last day of my period.

Tomorrow is the big day...the day we officially start "trying".

Or...not trying to not get pregnant.

We are pumped! Matt is already super supportive. He listens, chimes in even. He has opinions about strollers and cribs and names... 

I love that he is equally excited.

And, that he is doing all he can to keep me calm.

My biggest fear in life is that I will not be able to carry our children.

I have learned all I possibly can now. I have been asking questions about this since I can remember. I have held as many babies as I possibly could, change a bajillion diapers, read lots of books, listened to lots of moms, watched my mom be a mom, nannied, taught thousands of kids, and have thought out every pro and con there is to think about with this. I know this journey is not one I can plan (as I do with everything else in my life). That is what frightens me the most. I do not know when we will get pregnant, if we will get pregnant, if we will ever lose a baby, if I will be happy while I'm pregnant, if I will have morning sickness and not be able to dance, if I will not handle the pain well, if I will be the crabbiest woman alive with no sleep....all I know is this: I will love this child more than life itself. Matt will love this child more than life itself. I will love Matt even more which seems impossible (I daydream a lot about Matt with our kids). Our child will grow up in a home with more love than is imaginable. Our child will be raised by a community. Our child will have 30 big sisters and 60 parents to watch them grow and help their mommy & daddy when they have to work. Our child will grow up with food on the table and a roof over their head. Our child will grow up in a community where crime is rare and friends are plenty. Our child will grow up in a place with opportunity and diversity. Our child will have an extended family that loves them more than I could have ever imagined for them. Our child will be loved. And that, is what makes me know we are ready and that it will all be okay. I imagine a beautiful life ahead...

I picked up my "What to Expect Before You're Expecting" book tonight and played a game with myself. I would open the book at random and see if I knew everything on that page...I passed. 

It's probably a bad thing that I know so much. It is a bad thing that I know so much. I know what to look for, I know what to do. Now...I just wait.

I will not be charting my temperature or using ovulation kits. Not yet.

We're going to just do it...ha, literally.

We're going to have fun. I'm going to chill. Wait...I'm going to try to chill.

Watching my mom and dad go through miscarriage and lose, I associate those things with lose. I associate those things with frustration and sadness. 

I want this journey to be fun. I realize that word is bland, but that is really all I hope for..that we enjoy this time together. That I can put my fears and anxiety aside and enjoy this time.

Obviously, my hope is that it happens right away.

That three weeks from today we will know we are pregnant.

This has been the plan since our getaway in Seabrook (April 2012). 

We said that in July after my period we would start trying. So, here we are.

We made this decision on my 24th birthday and get to make it happen just after Matt's 26th.

Yes, my job is intense right now (for the summer).

But...we have talked about it and...my job will always be intense.

Owning a dance studio is not easy and it never will be. But, we have lots of help and we will use it when needed.

I have heard lots of input from family, dance moms and friends both supportive and unsupportive. Lots of "You're too young...you've got time...Matt should finish school...what about dance?..." and finally a couple weeks ago Matt said, "Seriously Chelsea...who cares what they say?! Is it their life? This is one decision that we do not need to ask anyone's input on. We are married. We get to decide to have a family!" He is right. We do get to decide that. We did decide that. 

{This blog is going to be more important to me than ever before. 

I have been writing in my journal but I can't get it written on paper fast enough. Typing it all out lets me get every single thought out quick enough (I'm a fast typer).}  

Tomorrow it's time to get real...

Eating healthier, lowering stress, not sweating the small things & just enjoying my time alone with Matt.

I am so excited. I feel equally scared. 

I thought that meant I wasn't ready, but after talking with a lot of my dance moms I was assured that you're never ready...there will always be one more dollar to save or one more vacation to go on...you just have to take the jump.

We're going to try to have a baby!

This is it!...now the journey really begins...

Love, Chelsea

Baby Dreams:: Dream Nursery

We have talked about having kids since we were dating.

I remember sitting in my parents living room (just Matt & I) ...would have been January of '09... talking about what we would do for a nursery if we ever had a baby. Guess who initiated that conversation...

We decided then and there and it has not changed since, that we will do our first born's nursery themed after Peter Pan. We love the moral! Have fun, be a kid, play, dream, live, trust in the pixie dust (or Disney magic) and...mother's are important! ...I just added that last part in ; )

I used to think that when we did it we would go more towards the vintage side of it having it look like the Darling's Nursery. I rode "Peter Pan's Flight" a million times in a row when we were at Disneyland just so I could take enough inspiration photos of their bedroom.

Well, the more and more I think about it. And Matt agrees. We want it to be more on the Neverland side of things. Matt likes more modern looking furniture and I like bright colors, so this works perfect.

Here is the inspiration board I created tonight for fun. We have a good 11 months for this to change...at the least, and I'm sure it will somewhat. I just love all of this though so so much!! Matt said, "Wow, I like that!" That means he really does love it :)

From Left Corner going clockwise:
1. Neverland Map is just something I found on Google Images. I would like something as close to this as possible. The colors are perfect and if you're in Neverland, you have to have a map ; )

2. Land of Nod Oak Park Elementary Dresser. It's on the pricier side, but these would be dressers our child could keep as a baby, child, pre-teen, teenager and even when they moved out if they wanted. Good quality and super neutral. There is a changing tray that you can get for the top as well, we definitely would.

3. Land of Nod Oak Park Elementary 2-Over-3 Dresser. I just love this set so much!

4. Blue Broad Stipe Rug. Definitely not a necessity because our 2nd bedroom is carpeted but I would love to have it because it's pretty and pulls the room together :)

5. Land of Nod Crib Quilt. There aren't any sheets that go with this set, but I would want to find a fun green color. I just like the stitch on this quilt.

6. Disney's Peter Pan Mary Blair Concept Art Book. Matt and I just recently discovered this and decided we definitely want to use this book as our artwork in the room. I want to take certain pages and frame them as a gallery wall in the room. Probably above the changing table/dresser. It is all the original artwork when they were creating the movie Peter Pan. The art is different and not in your face Disney which is what we ultimately want. Peter Pan theme, but just touches here and there :)

7. Land of Nod Low Rise Crib. I love the simplicity of this crib. I like how it feels LostBoyEsque to me..??

I have been dreaming about this for so long. I remember planning our wedding and looking at baby stuff and Matt looking at me like I was crazy. Now he doesn't care at all when I look at baby stuff and actually looks at it with me. He gets excited about it too. I love that so so much! Every time I have doubts about the timing of this, Matt is the one who says, "No honey, stop! We are ready. Everything is going to be perfect." I can't wait.

I am not taking the pill anymore, so we'll see what happens. I've almost been off of it for a full month now. I still take my prenatal vitamins too. We're being as careful as we can be because we are going on a Disney Cruise September 3-10 and it would be fun for me to be able to have yummy drinks :) We'll see...it's not up to us now.

Time is flying now. I can't believe we are almost 2 months away from when we want to start "trying". I feel like it was yesterday when I said, "I can't wait 4 months!" while we were in Seabrook and had the first real talk about this. Now it's just 2 1/2.

Summer camps start next week. I'm doing 11 dance camps. I'm sure the time is going to go crazy fast! :)

-Chelsea-

Our Midwife!

We had our meeting with our Midwife Nurse (CNM) today and both left feeling completely confident...just about everything. About our decision that now is the time, about our decision to enjoy or summer together, about our decision to have a Midwife instead of an OB and about our decision to meet with Loredana Loghin, CNM. (Lori). 

We. Loved. Her! 

I came in with 7 pages of interview questions. No seriously...7. 

We started talking with her and when it came time for me to actually read my questions to her, I kept paging through saying, "I don't need to ask this...hmm..I'll ask you this later...you covered that...etc." She comforted me. I feel like with her and Matt with me, I will be comfortable (well, as I can be) and will be able to have a natural birth (my goal). I want our baby to come into this world in the calmest way possible. 

I addressed all my concerns with her about us getting pregnant and having a healthy baby and her response was, "You're young, you're healthy, you're in great shape...you really have nothing to worry about, you'll be just fine and I bet I'll be seeing you soon." She is younger. She reminded me a lot of a few different people in my life who I look up to and would want with me for labor if I didn't have a midwife. My sister-in-law, Megan and my best friend, Katie. Both of them understand me and my spazziness, but also keep things real for me. 

It was a special meeting for us. It real made this all real. I sat on the table in there getting my blood pressure checked and Matt was looking at me with a face like, "wow...we're really here doing this...I love you." Probably a moment I'll never forget. He looked so confident and ready. He participated equally in our conversation with our midwife and...I just loved every second of it. My love for Matt grew today, maybe even doubled. Is that possible? 

She told us we should be off of birth control for a month or two before we start "trying". So, I just have about 2 weeks left before I won't take it anymore :) Then the journey really begins.

We're not going to "try" we're just going to have fun and I'll be praying lots and trying to be patient as possible..so excited! 

Things I'm excited about that I learned or was reassured about today:

*I do not have to have continuous fetal monitoring during labor if we are having a normal healthy pregnancy (I worry it will stress me out if I hear anything "abnormal" which would only stress me and the baby out more).

*I can be in the tub all the way until pushing and can walk around as much as I want.

*Our midwife will deliver our baby and Matt can help if he'd like.

*If I at any point do want an epidural, I can have one and no one will question it or make me feel bad for that decision. She said half of the women she sees make it without and half end up wanting one. 

*She said she will be there holding my hand every step of the way.

*She was real.

*Once we get a positive pregnancy test, we call and can be seen when we're 6 weeks to hear the heartbeat. I know some women who weren't allowed to come in until 8 or 10 weeks. I couldn't wait that long.

*She partners with another midwife at the hospital, Peggy. Our chances of seeing our midwife are extremely high. 

*There are 9 OB's in the practice as well in the case of anything going wrong during our pregnancy or labor/delivery. 

*The hospital is Amazing! After our appointment we enjoyed walking around the "mall" downstairs. Theres even a full/regular Starbucks downstairs! Our families will definitely have a good time out in the waiting area :) It was neat to see where that will be. We're going to have a good time being at all our appointments and then getting coffee together afterwards :) 

*I am so excited knowing that I only have to take a few more pills!! (I hate things that change my body and aren't natural)

This is such an exciting time in our lives. I can't wait to be a mommy and see Matt being a dad! 

I called my Dad today after our appointment and he was so excited for us and really sounded excited and so happy, it was a really neat conversation to have with him. He gave me some good advice and I loved that he sounded excited. 

Hopefully this time next year we'll be holding our baby in our arms at that hospital with our family, friends and...our midwife! 

We are so happy that she will have such a huge role in our life :)

"Before Your Pregnancy" & Midwife Thoughts

We started reading this book tonight. It's over 500 pages.

"Before Your Pregnancy...A 90-Day Guide for Couples on How to Prepare for a Healthy Conception"

We're just going to read 10 pages a night.

Tonight, I read aloud and tomorrow night Matt will. It was kind of fun to be cuddled up on the couch learning about everything together. Just when I think I know all there is to know about this, I learn something new.

We scheduled our PreConception Appointment for Tuesday morning to meet a Midwife (CNM) at our  brand new hospital. I am so excited to meet her and see if we like her enough for her to be our doctor. We're going to work on creating our first list of interview questions for her this weekend. I want to meet with a Midwife first because I feel I will do better with the more personal experience they give you instead of your doctor who just checks in on you and then is there for the "finale". I feel blessed that our city has a new hospital and that they have built a beautiful birthing center there in the hospital. If we do decide to go along with having the midwife, she can deliver our baby there in the hospital in our birthing suite which all have soaker jacuzzi tubs. There are also two emergency rooms on the floor if need be. I feel like having a midwife will be great for me.

So on Tuesday, we go in for our first pre-conception counseling appointment with her where we can ask her any questions we want and she will start getting us on the right path to a healthy baby. Hopefully by doing all of this "pre" work, it won't take us long to actually get pregnant. (crossing my fingers daily). 

Tonight while reading together, we did an activity that was in the book asking what we thought are traits that a "good mother" and a "good father" should have. (we just picked three)

Matt: humor, patience, organization

Chelsea: patience, organization, nurturing

We were then asked to name our strengths and say how those apply to being "good parents".

Matt: 'Patience'...he's extremely patient and that is going to help us immensely in the beginning and throughout our children's lives.

Chelsea: 'Planning'... because it will help us to make sure our children have a good life and that our family is organized and that when our children are older I can help them plan for college and their futures. Matt shut it down and said that's a fault. I cried because my feelings were hurt. We started over (typical lol) and just kept reading.

(I hope I laugh at this when we read it back one day)

I know Matt is into this. Way more than most guys probably are. But, I'm already super emotional about it and am crying easier than I normally do to comments made about me being a mom or things that are important to me about pregnancy and our children's lives. Matt likes to be funny. Sometimes I can laugh, but not every time. 

Ex. "Matt, I really want us to try cloth diapers"..."Ha! We'll see how long that lasts!"

Result...me crying. (Not in an over-dramatic usual way, but just sad). And Matt hugging me while still kind of laughing saying, "honey, I'm sorry..I didn't mean to make you cry"

I am not even pregnant yet and am super weird lately. I have a feeling that a lot of the reason that women are so emotional while they are pregnant is because of the amount of love and concern they have towards their child inside of them. I already feel love towards them and they are nonexistent. The closer we are to starting to try, the more touchy and sensitive I get on the subject. 

Oh boy....... 

Getting Healthy

I've been a reading machine this weekend! 

It's so nice that our "weekend" is Thursday-Sunday every week.

I have had a lot of time to get down to business reading my pre-pregnancy books.

Matt even skimmed through them a bit too the other night. 

The ones currently on my night stand are:

*Get Ready to Get Pregnant (reading first)

*Before Your Pregnancy: A 90-Day Guide for Couples on How to Prepare for a Healthy Conception

*What to Expect Before You're Expecting 

I have already learned so much! 

This is our last no-worries weekend with food and treats. From here on out, I will be doing everything I can go eat healthier. Matt's along for the ride too. We read all about what Dad's need to do to prepare those little swimmers lol and him getting healthier is super important! I need to focus on eating healthier and lowing my stress and anxiety. Yoga, here I come! 

Today we went to downtown Seattle and had a good time together :)

We went into Gap and looked at the maternity clothes and baby section. Matt thought the pants in there were so funny. He said, "Why don't you stick to dresses" Ha. I'm glad that with my job, I rarely wear jeans as it is. Leggings and tanks for me everyday anyways.

Our New Health Schedule:

MONDAYS

Matt: Gym 10am 

Chelsea: Yoga 7:45pm

TUESDAYS

Together: 8:00pm

WEDNESDAYS

Matt: Gym 10am

Chelsea: Yoga 7:45pm

THURSDAYS

Rest

FRIDAYS

Matt: Gym 10am

Chelsea: Yoga @ Noon

SATURDAYS

Matt: Gym 11am

SUNDAYS

Rest

Add all my dancing on top of that too. I want to have all that yoga to start prepping my body mentally for pregnancy and labor/delivery. That is going to be my biggest challenge. I stress way too easily. I also get super anxious about stuff and psych myself out. This is where Matt would tell you our "Tower of Terror" stories...oh boy.

I'm excited for this fresh start tomorrow. I have my new yoga mat and I'm ready to go!

-Chelsea-

This Is Really Happening!

We recently returned from a 4-day trip to the coast. We had an amazing time together and on that trip, decided that at the end of this summer, we will start trying to have a baby. We've decided to not necessarily "try" but we're going to stop "trying not to" have a baby. In my pre-teen years I watched my mom and dad go through a lot of fertility problems. I remember her taking her temperature and charting it. I remember how sad she would be when she had miscarriages. 

I'm doing all I can to not stress. I want to make sure that we know exactly what we are getting into while on this journey. The journey has really already began. It's so exciting! I started taking pre-natal vitamins on April 24th, 2012. 

I am keeping this blog a secret from family and friends until after we are pregnant and announce to everyone. After that, I will share with them as well. I know everyone is going to already start expecting us to get pregnant soon. One First Anniversary is on September 2, 2012. July will be my last pill pack. This is all so exciting! I have wanted to be a mom since...forever. 

Things are going really well with us and we feel like we are definitely ready.

I own a dance studio and we will be opening our brand new location this June and Matt is working hard in school to get his degree. While Matt is finishing school he'll get to be a Stay-at-Home Dad and we are both really happy about that. With my schedule, and owning my own business, Matt and our baby will be at the studio with me everyday and we can all hang out there during the days together. We couldn't be happier or feel more blessed that we will both get to experience this journey together. 

I have a lot of experience with babies and children. I have three siblings that were born when I was 12, 14 & 15. I took care of them a lot! I also nannied for 4 children for a year and a half when we moved to Seattle and then nannied for 4 other families part-time since then. As far as diapers, bottles, and feeding goes...I feel pretty ready. Nannying is not being a mom though. Nothing even close. 

I can't wait to learn so much more while we are preparing for this! I'm nervous about a lot of things that I've never done before....

*being pregnant

*labor & delivery (terrified)

*breast feeding / pumping

*being in charge of sleep schedules

*bath times

*waking up in the middle of the night (I'm going to suck at that...good thing Matt's up for it!--again, blessed!)

*making every single decision for their lives...

*just everything!

I'm so so excited :) I can't say that enough. I have been wanting this for so long and to hear Matt tell me during dinner while we were in Seabrook, that he is ready to be a Dad was the best thing I've ever heard. I was completely surprised by him bringing it up and of course, cried. (I always cry). 

I hope that from this blog, we will be able to document this journey that we can one day read to our children. I've already been doing so much to prepare for their lives. I want our children to have the best lives possible. I already love them so so much and they're still just a dream. 

I started a journal, but was bummed that I couldn't put pictures with it when I wanted.

This blog will also hopefully help anyone else out there learning along with me.

I'll do posts on different products and things I learn from books I've been buying.

I really hope this works and stays secret :) Some of my family members are super good at Googling lol.

I didn't use my name for that purpose. We'll see.....

Just 85 days until I am free from "The Pill"!

--CKL--