7 Weeks

Just went out to take this picture with my mom. I'm so tired today and it's so cold outside. I think I need to sit up straighter when I take these so I don't look fat :(                      

How Far Along? 7 Weeks 1 day! Week 6 went so fast, I can't believe we're already here at week 7. Every week is going so fast. This is crazy to think there are just 33 weeks left (or less) yikes!

How Big is Baby? Our baby is now as big as a blueberry. 

Total Weight Gain: I'm not sure this week because I'm not at home with my scale. Probably around 5 lbs though. 

Maternity Clothes? No, but I need maternity bras and will be buying them as soon as we get back home. That's number 1 right now. My bras hurt so much. 

Stretch Marks? Not yet.

Sleep: I've been sleeping funny because I'm not at home. Some nights I sleep right on through the night and sometimes I wake up and then can't fall back asleep in the middle of the night. Not fun. 

Best Moment this Week: Finally being able to tell my family and best friends from WI :)

Miss Anything:  Healthy food.

Movement: Not yet, but I wish.

Food Cravings: No cravings really this week. Food aversions, yes. Nothing in particular, just certain times of the day all food sounds disgusting. I had to force lunch yesterday.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not sick, but slightly queasy with food sometimes.

Gender: I still think boy : )

Labor Signs: Not yet thank goodness. 

Symptoms: breast tenderness, slight food aversions. I don't really feel any symptoms right now. I'm glad my appointment is so soon so I can feel comforted from that (hopefully). 

Belly Button in or out: In thank goodness!

Happy or Moody most of the time? Happy most of the time. I haven't had any ridiculous crying or outbursts yet. I do get irritated quicker than normal.

Looking Forward to: Now we are starting to get excited about our first appointment! Just 5 days away now. I cannot wait to get there to just know our baby is okay. It's so hard wondering about them and not knowing.

Just today and tomorrow left at my parent's house and then we're back on the road to go home. We've been here for 6 days. It's always just the right time to head back when we stay for a week. My mom will come visit us soon. 

Telling Nama and Papa H.

We arrived here in WI and I wanted to make sure we told my parents right away because I couldn't wait any longer. We got in and settled in for probably just 10-15 minutes and then I told my parents, "I have a really exciting present for you from our wedding that we finally got that I want you to see right away! Go sit in the living room!!" Somehow, they were still clueless. They were so excited we were here and that it was from our wedding that they didn't even think about it (what they told me later). 

So they sat on the couch together with all my siblings around (minus Cody) and they looked at each and every page of our book (very slowly). They finally got to the last page and saw the note from Baby Lanese and my mom just started crying and closed the book. She was so so happy. My dad said, "What's going on, you closed the book, I didn't see!" So I quick opened it up and said, "I'm having a baby!" My dad said, "Really!!" Then we all hugged and the kids were all excited and everyone was just excited and my mom just cried and cried. 

It was awesome. I wish I would have taken pictures of it but I thought for sure they knew what we were doing because they knew we were trying. My mom said that she didn't think I'd been calling or talking to her about it because I didn't want to talk about it anymore. : ) We actually surprised them! I'm not sure how, but we did and I loved it so much!

Now, they are both so catering and helpful to me to make sure I am happy and feel good while we're here. My mom has been talking to me about everything a lot to make me feel better and my dad even made me lunch today : ) They bought Matt a water bottle for Christmas yesterday so that he will stop drinking out of mine because I need it. 

My siblings are so funny. My brother keeps joking that he thinks we're having twins because of how much of a belly I already have. (It is kind of scary how much I have already but I know it's not twins). 

Cirrah has been asking lots of questions and keeps telling me, "Don't talk about it or it will fly out!" Ha! 

Caleb was rough housing today and tossed Cogsy onto my lap and I said, "Ow Caleb". He started crying and said, "I'm sorry! I hurt the baby!!"...so sweet. I reassured him that the baby is fine : )

It's so nice having them know!!!

6 Weeks

{I was feeling completely un-cute when we took these. We took them yesterday since we're on our road trip to WI today. I was feeling so bloated. No cute baby bump big,  just fat feeling.}

How Far Along? 6 Weeks

How Big is Baby? Our baby is now the size of a sweet pea. They have little arms and legs and their spinal cord is forming. 

Total Weight Gain: 3 lbs

Maternity Clothes? Nope, not yet. But sweatpants and leggings are feeling the best right now.

Stretch Marks? Hopefully not anytime soon.

Sleep: Matt says I'm a crazy sleeper. I cry out loud from my dreams and my legs and arms are everywhere while I'm sleeping. Apparently I'm hogging the bed...oops.

Best Moment this Week: Telling a few of my dance moms yesterday. One of them is 31 weeks pregnant and she let me feel her little boy kick. It was the coolest thing to know that soon I'll get to feel that.

Miss Anything: Yummy cheeses. I love cheese and am missing getting to have good ones like gouda, goat, feta and brie. 

Movement: Not any yet, but I cannot wait for that!

Food Cravings: Cheese is always good to me. Breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner....Mmmmmm.

Anything making you queasy or sick: When I'm hungry I feel nauseous until I eat something. Not quiet yet like I'm going to puke, but close. 

Gender: Still feeling like we'll have a boy, but I'm probably wrong :) Which is also definitely ok!!!

Labor Signs: Not yet.

Symptoms: Still little cramping throughout the day and breast tenderness. New is this yucky nauseous feeling. I am just waiting for that to get worse and turn into full on morning sickness. We are in the middle of our road trip to WI and this morning in the car I felt kind of yucky. 

Belly Button in or out: For sure still in.

Wedding Rings on or off: On.

Happy or Moody most of the time? Really happy :)

Looking Forward to: Getting home to see my family in just 1 more full day. We have all day tomorrow to drive, a bit on Saturday and then we should get there before Saturday night! Yay! Then we get to tell everyone!!!! I just enjoyed a bacon cheeseburger, blooming onion and french fries from Outback. Sorry Little Bean...I was so hungry and it was the only thing that sounded good. I did do a great job of eating healthy on the trip today. Lots of fruit and water.

Wanting to Tell my Family!

I am having the hardest time not telling my parents about our baby. I think that is what is keeping it from feeling 100% real still. I am 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant and I cannot believe that my Mom & Dad don't know yet. I never keep anything from them. I'm doing it on purpose because I want that moment to be shared with them in person so I can hug them and we can all be excited together. It will be worth it when we get there. I will be 6 weeks and 2 days when I tell them, so that's still pretty early. 

I got our pictures from Jessica today so I put them in the back of our wedding photo book for them. I cannot wait to give them their best Christmas gift of all time! My Mom has been waiting and so excited to be a Grandma. I want our kids to call her Nama and to call my Dad, Pops :) I hope my Dad likes that name, we'll see. I had a dream last night that he hated it. He wants to be called Big Papa. We're okay with him being called Papa if he wants, but I don't want the "Big" Papa part lol. 

We are going to get there late on Friday night (hoping the weather is okay) and we told Cody, my brother, to come over in the morning on Saturday because we have a "Family Gift" for them. I don't think he knows still :) Or if he does he hasn't said anything. Matt thinks my parents know too because I call my mom every month when I get my period and am always talking to her about baby things. I haven't even said the word baby to her since we found out which was almost 3 weeks ago. She's got to know...They're doing a good job of not saying anything.

Tonight I called her at 8pm our time (10pm by them) because I was so excited that my team moms got me a Coach purse, scarf/gloves, massage gift card and See's Candy for Christmas. I was giddy about it and wasn't thinking about how late it was. I said, "MOM! Guess what?!" She was like, "WHAT??" It sounded like she thought I was going to tell her I was pregnant. Or maybe it's in my head.

The other day talking to my dad I let it slip and said, "Matt's sick now, but at least he's allowed to take medicine for his cold." He didn't say anything but my heart dropped because I was waiting for him to ask. Eek. 

We will be there in just a few more days and there's just 4 more mornings that need to pass before it's the morning we tell them. The REALLY hard part is going to be arriving and not telling them when we get there and waiting for morning. Yikes.

I'm going to bring everything to show my Mom. My tests, my books, my scrapbook I'm making our Little Bean. I'm excited that she'll know we call our baby Little Bean. I think when she was pregnant with Cody that she called him that because now he is always Beaner, Coco Bean, Coconut and just Coco now to my little siblings. I was always Punky Girl : ) and they still call me Punky. 

It will be much easier to explain to my family why we need to leave on the 30th which is family Christmas. We need to get home for our first appointment on the 2nd!!

I'm just so excited to tell them. Every time I call them I have a hard time talking to them. I talk but I think all I'm saying is, "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant..." and then wonder if I've said it out loud. Oh boy.

Just a few more days!!! : ) 

**Random update: my sports bras no longer fit me. YAY!**

Letter to our Little Bean: On Keeping them Safe

*Note to future self: share this only with them when they are old enough to understand and not be afraid (Newton, CT). maybe even keep this one tucked away until their teenagers. (especially if they turn out with your personality, they'll be sleeping in your bed for months).

To my Little Bean,

Your heart beats now and you are as big as an appleseed. You're doing some serious growing. A lot has happened in the news this week and carrying you around in my tummy through all of it has really got me thinking. 20 beautiful little children's lives were taken on Friday in Newton, CT. I am sure you will read about it someday or hear your Daddy and I talking about it. It is really an awful thing that has happened. Yesterday, the media released pictures of the little ones and it hit even closer to home seeing how young they really were. All 6 and 7 years old. They were all so innocent, just like you. They were all just in school. Maybe doing an art project or listening to a story, when a man came and decided to take their lives. I said to Daddy all day, "We're homeschooling our kids!" Daddy is more realistic and said no to that. (Not because he doesn't want to protect you, because he loves you just as much as I do).

I may not always be able to protect you like I am right now.  Carrying you around in my tummy everyday, I make choices for you like not drinking coffee or soda, or eating just 2 cookies at our cookie bake yesterday instead of my usual dozen. I chose not to play spoons with the family (who gets a little crazy and wrestles) and instead crocheted you a blanket and laughed at them. I ate soup instead of turkey sandwiches yesterday and decided it wouldn't be a good idea to hold Caitlin who was sick with a fever yesterday.  Being in my tummy, I get to protect you like this all day long, every single day.

Once you are born, I will continue doing my absolute best to protect you. I will make sure you are fed, that you have a home, that you are learning and that you are happy. Those things, I can make happen. The thing that makes me hurt inside is knowing that there are somedays, that I can't always protect you physically. You're going to go to school one day, Little Bean. My prayer is that 6 years from now when you go to Kindergarten, that there is a way that they have this problem solved a bit more. Your Daddy and I do not agree with people owning guns, at all. It's hard to know there is nothing we can do about that one. We know just like everything else in this world, that everyone has their right to their opinions and we are very respectful of that.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night after seeing all those sweet little faces who are now angels. This morning I woke up with the same sadness. Then it hit me; how I can help you. There is a difference I can make with this whole situation. I may not be able to find a cure for mental illness or take away everyone's guns, but what I can do is raise a beautiful human being. You, Little Bean. I can raise you to know right from wrong. I can teach you about compassion and love. This, should be fairly easy, especially if you have your Daddy's heart and my passion. If we raise you to be a good person, a good member of society, then we are doing our part to have this happen one less time.

Last weekend, you were also at a huge event in history. You attended one of the first same sex marriages in Washington. You were there right in my tummy. How amazing is that. You'll have known equality since before you were born. That is so important to your Daddy and I, too.

I just want you to know that once you are in my arms instead of in my tummy, that your Daddy and I will always put you first. We will always protect you. Just like I do now. When you fall, we will always be there to pick you up. Sometimes, we may let you know you can do things yourself, but we'll always be right there next to you cheering you on.

We love you, Little Bean.
We will always be here for you!

Love,
Mommy

5 Weeks

I love making it another week. This week has brought some fun new symptoms and they make me so happy. Just knowing our Little Bean is in there growing so big is the best feeling in the world.

The only thing I notice in these pictures from last week is that my boobs are bigger. Matt noticed too but probably no one else could :) Also I've got some serious bloat going on...

How Far Along? 5 Weeks

How Big is Baby? According to thebump.com, our baby is the size of an appleseed! That's a big jump from a poppyseed :) 

Total Weight Gain: 2 lbs

Maternity Clothes? Nope, not yet. I have been pinning some though, I have a feeling I'll be buying them sooner than I thought. Every time I finish I meal my pants feel too tight.

Stretch Marks? Nope. I bought some cocoa butter yesterday because my boobs have started getting sore and I don't want them to get any stretch marks.

Sleep: I am still waking up once every night to pee. Sometimes I have a hard time falling back asleep after that. 

Best Moment this Week: This week we told Matt's siblings that we are expecting our first little one. I also made my first purchase at "The Bump" at the mall (a store I've dreamt of shopping in forever). I also bought our little one an outfit and a book. It was a great feeling buying baby things knowing they are for our baby! I also loved having our pictures taken, they turned out perfect and my parents are going to love them!!

Miss Anything: Tuna sandwiches. Before being pregnant I would eat them a few times a week and I always get them at Panera. My mouth is watering thinking about it. Once we make it through the 1st Trimester, I will go treat myself to one :) 

Movement: Not any yet, but I cannot wait for that!

Food Cravings: Still loving cheese, specifically cheddar cheese. Mmmm!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not yet. We'll see how long that lasts...I've heard that all hits during week 6. I'm still very early to be feeling symptoms.

Gender: We've got quite a bit of time before we know, but I'm feeling like we're going to have a boy. Matt says that just because I'm feeling that, that we are for sure having a girl. We'll see...

Labor Signs: Way too early!

Symptoms: New this week are nipple soreness and extreme bloating. Last night after dinner I looked like I was 16 weeks pregnant. We thought it was so funny and took a picture. (I will not be posting it lol). Some of my continued symptoms from last week are that I'm tired, hungry all the time and pee more than I used to.

Belly Button in or out: For sure still in, but that I am most scared about my belly button popping out. Right now I am more scared about that than giving birth (no joke). I have a phobia of people touching my belly button. I don't let anyone touch it. I won't even touch it if I can avoid it. It hurts. Ew. It gives me the chills.

Wedding Rings on or off: On.

Happy or Moody most of the time? It's about half and half really. I get irritated really fast. (Poor Matt). But I'm also really happy most of the time :) How could I not be right now?!

Looking Forward to: Right now I am counting down the days until we are in WI and I can tell my parents! It's getting harder and harder to not tell them on the phone. Sometimes when I'm talking to them I'll be talking but really thinking in my mind, "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant..." and then I'll think I said it out loud and it freaks me out. It will feel great to just know that they know! I can't wait to go shopping for baby items with my mom!

I love knowing that our baby is now the size of an appleseed. I love when I have a bloated tummy at night and "feel" pregnant. Hooray for being 5 weeks pregnant now! I bought "What to Expect When You're Expecting" this week and it was so fun to read it. I've made it through month #1 :)

Pregnancy Announcement Photos!

One of my dance mom/friends took our pictures on Saturday so that we can give them to my family to make our big announcement for Christmas. They turned out great! We went to our local library :)

We're going to tell my parents by giving them our wedding photo book with these at the end! 

"Yes I Am"

Our plan was not to tell Matt's siblings until next weekend when we have our Christmas with them, but last night we all got to be a part of an amazing experience that brought us together a week early as well. 

Last night were the first gay marriages in WA and we got to be there for one of the weddings at the Thurston County Courthouse at midnight. Matt's brother works for the state and knew one of the men that got married last night. 

Little Bean, I hope that you always know that everyone is equal and deserves a chance to be this happy. You got to be there too and I am so happy to be able to tell you that one day! Mommy & Daddy have many great friends who are gay and I am so glad you will grow up knowing no difference. 

Our plan was to tell everyone next weekend by walking to the front door and I would just take my coat off for everyone to see my shirt which would read "Yes I Am" because Matt's siblings are always asking since they know we are (were) trying. I was bummed yesterday that I didn't have time to prep for this before we went over to Matt's brother's house. So, Nana to the rescue! She grabbed a white shirt that she had and a black fabric marker and I quick made it before we left to go to their house.

I was so nervous to tell everyone. 

So I had the t-shirt on under my jacket and the plan was to do the same thing as planned before; just take my coat off and see who will notice what it says. Well, we got there and Megan & Clint were at the house with the kids but Chris & Mel (Matt's siblings) were out together getting pizza. So when we got there Matt told me not to take off my jacket. So for a good 10-15 minutes I just tried to make it seem normal that I hadn't taken my coat off yet lol. It felt so weird. 

Finally, they got home and about 30 seconds after they walked in, I took my jacket off. Everyone was in the living room when I turned around. At first no one got it (which was shocking) so then they finally got it and I screamed "I'M PREGNANT" lol. There were hugs and it was funny :) 

Then I couldn't stop talking about our bean all night.

It was definitely a night for the history books! LOTS of love yesterday :)

-Chelsea Kay-

Dear Little Bean

Dear Little Bean,

I just want you to always know how excited we, your Mommy & Daddy are about having you. We have hoped, prayed, dreamed and thought about what it would be like to have you for so long. We can't wait to meet you in just about 36 more weeks. Mommy isn't the most patient person, but suddenly the days are going fast. I want to soak up every moment of this. I want to remember ever second of what it feels like to have you this close to me. There is going to come a day when it will be rare to have your head even rest on my shoulder. When that day comes, I will look back and be able to remember when you were so little. I'll remember how amazing it was to be this close to you for a whole 9 months. This is a really special time we get to share together and I couldn't ask for anything better. 

I want to let you know about your amazing Daddy. 

Mommy's been pretty sick this week (worst cold ever) and he has been there every second for us. He gives you kisses each night and when I leave to go teach, he says he loves me and then says, "and, I love you Little Bean." It makes me so happy how much he already loves you. He loved you when you were just a dream, too. He has made me breakfast and dinner every day, ran errands and fills my water bottle without asking. You are one lucky little bean to have him as your Daddy. He's going to teach you all there is to know about Disney, how cool is that! He'll play catch with you or practice for your recitals with you (he's a pretty silly dancer). I'm sure you and Daddy will have plenty of fun teasing me and you know what, I don't know that I'll mind so much when I hear you two laughing together one day. That will be the sweetest thing I'll ever hear.  Daddy has been extremely cautious with you already. I have a feeling he's going to be quite protective of you. I'm okay with that. 

We have our first appointment to see you for the first time on January 2nd and 26 days has never felt so far away. I hope we get to see your sweet little heart beating. 

You are already the best thing that has ever happened to us and we love you more and more everyday!

Love,

Mommy 

4 Weeks

Pregnancy Highlights

How far along: 4 weeks 

{Papa's idea...taking pictures in front of the barn where we got married each week}

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Last week I was consistently 120.5 lbs every morning, and the past few days I have been 121.2. So I guess that means I've almost gained a pound. Good!! :) My goal is to be around 125 lbs. by 10 weeks. 

Symptoms: I am exhausted and constantly hungry! I go to bed by 8pm at the latest and wake up around 8:30pm. Although last night I didn't go to bed until 11pm, but I was excited from hanging out with Nana & Papa and sharing our news. Matt and I also decided what we want my parents to be called before falling asleep last night. I'll write about that after we tell them though. Oh boy am I excited, it's so cute!! 

I also have teeny bits of cramps here and there. More like little twinges or pinches than cramps though. Oh, and more gas. Sick I know..sorry ; )

Maternity Clothes: I definitely am fitting just fine in all of my clothes and will for a while. I am really excited to get to wear maternity clothes though. I'll get to wear my friend Haley's maternity clothes and they are so so cute! I can't wait to go buy some too :)

Best Moment Last Week: Finding out we were pregnant just 6 days ago, telling my best friends and telling Matt’s parents! 

Gender: I am thinking it will be a boy. Not "hoping" for one, I will really be ecstatic for either, but I just have a feeling. I'm always wrong about these things though. We’ll see if I keep feeling that way or not. 

Movement: I wish I could feel something this early, still a few more months until that happens:)

Food Cravings: Cheddar Cheese (preferably in the form of cheese sticks).

Food aversions: breakfast in general. I have a hard time eating anything in the morning, but I force myself because I know it will make me feel better when I’m starving an hour later. 

What I Miss: absolutely nothing. What could be better than knowing our child is so close to me...

Sleep: A lot of it, but not good sleep. I wake up to pee once a night and am having crazy dreams. Matt said I was sleeping sideways last night. I read that you should not sleep on your right side, so I’ve been sleeping on my left side. That means Matt and I had to switch sides because we can’t sleep facing each other. It’s been weird. I’m sure we’ll get used to it soon and it will feel normal again. I’m glad to be on that side of the bed though because in the long run I’d have to be. That’s where we’ll have the baby sleep in the beginning once they’re here. 

What I am looking forward to: I am looking forward to being able to tell my Mom & Dad. I am waiting to be able to tell them in person. It’s hard to talk to them now and not say anything. Just about 15 more days. I usually call them once/day, but I've been calling every other instead. Then there is more for them to talk to me about and I don't have to talk at all. So far, they haven't noticed anything different. They're going to freak out!! Eek! I'm so excited for that moment! 

Telling the Parents (Nana & Papa L.)

Tonight I am 3 weeks and 6 days and cannot wait to say I am 4 weeks tomorrow.

For some reason that feels safer. 

We had Matt's parents (Nana & Papa L.) over for dinner tonight. It was Papa's birthday on Monday so we thought this would be the perfect time to tell them. We recently ordered our wedding photo book (almost a year and a half over due) to give to them as a Christmas gift. We took the photo of me with our pregnancy test and a note reading, "Happy Birthday Papa! Love, Little Baby Lanese. P.S Can't wait to meet you in August 2013" and stuck them in the back of the book. 

When they got here dinner wasn't done yet so Matt said, "How about we have you open your birthday present!" He actually looked through the whole book first :) There were a few times when the back page peeked through but I'll never know if they saw it before really "seeing" it. They were happy and there were hugs. They've known we have been trying so it was definitely no surprise. They were definitely happy and I'm glad we got to share our happy happy news with them. Their baby is going to be a Dad, that's pretty cool. 

Matt made a delicious Pot Roast and we all ate a ton. Mmmm (Little Bean & I were happy). We watched home videos that Papa is putting on dvd's for the kids for Christmas. It was so awesome to see and hear Matt as a toddler. I just dreamt the whole time wondering if our Little Bean will be a boy and if he is, if he will look like the cute little chubby cheeked boy I just watched in the videos. That would make me so so happy. I've been telling Matt I have a feeling we're going to have a boy first. We'll see...I hope we get to find out around 16 weeks. That's still 3 months from now though! 

We talked about getting a head start and painting the nursery sooner than later. We're going to have my mom come out here around Valentine's Day and help us paint it. She would really love that. 

Now one set of parents know...just 8 more days until we tell Matt's siblings and just about 18 days until we get to tell my family! It's so hard to wait, but it will be worth it to tell them in person. 

Best Christmas Ever :) This was right before Nana & Papa arrived. We were super nervous.

Cogsy wanted to get in the pictures too, cute little guy!

My awesome husband making fun of me...Oh so funny! I just told him, "See what you get for teasing me, you get BLOGGED!"

Hehe :) 

This really is the best Christmas ever. 

First Appointment, Plans & Realizations!

Our first appointment is scheduled! 

January 2, 2013

I will be 7 weeks and 6 days (so basically 8 weeks). We should definitely be able to hear the heartbeat and hopefully get to see our Little Bean then and I am so excited!

The time between now and then is going to go so fast. We leave for our 2 day drive to Wisconsin on December 20th. We'll be with my family through Christmas and will leave on December 30th or 31st.

We decided tonight how we are going to tell my parents while we're there!
One of my dance moms is a great photographer. She knew we were trying and has always known that when we got pregnant that we would let her know and she could take announcement photos for us.
So this weekend we are going to head to a library (because our libraries are beautiful here) and take cute pictures. Probably in the kids section :) I love it!
We're going to frame one of them and give it to my parents as a Christmas gift.

I also realized today that August 15th, our due date, is my Grandma's birthday!
So we're going to tell her at Christmas too, but that's it. Just my immediate family and my Grandma.
We got married on her mom's birthday (my Great Grandma) so this is so amazing. She's going to be so excited and my mom is going to freak! Now the dates even more beautiful because I love my Grandma.

We told our best friends yesterday while we were out to lunch with them.
We had not planned on telling them that early. They knew we were trying so it was nearly impossible for us to hold it in! They were so so happy. And then it hit me and I cried :)

Last night Matt was still hesitant (silly man) so he wanted me to take a test that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant". He was so happy and hugged me so tight and had tears in his eyes. He said, "Ok, now I believe it!" : )

Tonight I went grocery shopping for healthy snacks and a yummy dinner (salmon, asparagus baked in foil with soy/honey/garlic and potatoes) YUM. I'm hungry ALL day long. So it will be nice to have good choices for snacks. 

I'm really excited to take our pictures this weekend. And also that we get to see our Little Bean in just 28 more days!!! I know I am definitely good at waiting until the #28 ; ) 

-Mommy to Be-

We're Pregnant!

I really can't believe it. I can't believe I get to write it out now. Wow...
I am pregnant!

We did really for the first time feel totally awesome about our timing this month. 

Every time I got sad this month or anxious (which was often), Matt would stay strong insisting that I would see that this month was the month.

I can't believe that I will get to tell my parents in person that we're going to have a baby.

According to when I had my last period, our babies due date is:

August 15, 2013

I think that's a beautiful date.

And it's the perfect time to have a baby here in WA. August is always so beautiful. And September and October are also my favorites in regards to weather here. Perfect for how I could feel postpartum. 

I said that all I wanted for Christmas was a positive test. That's it.

Matt asked me if he could open his new Wii U that's sitting under the tree since I got my present early, ha, yeah right...! ; )

We are still deciding how we are going to tell our immediate families.

I'm still really nervous about everything. It doesn't feel all the way real yet, but at the same time it feels like this is exactly when it was supposed to happen all along and that it just feels right.
We're going to Carter's outlet store today to get little onuses for my mom and dad for Christmas that say cute little "I love my Grandma"...etc. That's how we'll tell them. In WI, in person. We dreamt of this being the way it worked out. I prayed and prayed that we would be able to tell my parents in person when we went to WI for Christmas. We get to tell my little brother, Cody then too! 

 Now that I know I am pregnant I am realizing that certain things that have been happening make more sense. Our pug, Cogsworth, has wanted to do nothing but follow me around and cuddle with me the past few days. Usually it's Matt. He's actually curled up next to me right now. Friday I worked in my office at the studio all day. Around 1pm I was famished. I called Matt to see if he wanted to go to Panera with me. He had already eaten but said he'd love to go anyways. I ordered a tuna sandwich (oops shouldn't eat tuna) AND a bowl of tomato soup. I had two trays...they were all for me lol and I ate all of it. I was still hungry after but Matt assured me that I would live if I did not have a peanut butter dream cookie.

Makes sense now...

I had all my team kids (20 K-7th graders) over to the studio last night for their Christmas sleepover. I am exhausted! I could sleep all day.
I took another test when I got home today. Matt finally believes it too. We walked out of the bathroom and set the timer. Matt hugged me so that I couldn't cheat and run to the bathroom early. Then he grabbed my hand and we walked in together. I didn't look at the test. I decided I would judge by his face. I've never seen him smile so big, and then I knew. I looked down and saw this!

There is no denying that second line now. I had my doubts yesterday and now today I feel 100% confident. Tomorrow I am going to call our midwife :)

{just got home from the team sleepover...like literally walked in the door to the bathroom} :)

Comparison of the past three days tests. I am not going to take anymore for a few more days when Matt would like me take one that says "pregnant" :)

Happy Happy Sunday friends!

-The Mommy to Be- (hehe)

Hmmm...

I'm trying so hard to not get too excited.

I could not sleep at all last night. I was up like every hour.

For a good 2 hours I was up just reading blogs I found via Google all about "very very faint lines" lol.

Oh geez. 

So last night I took the test around 8pm.

This morning I took another one at 8:30pm so about 12 hours later, and Matt agrees it is just a tad bit darker. More noticeable. You don't have to squint and stare to find it.

I'm wondering if that's just because we know where to look now and know what we're looking for.

We have them next to each other now and I swear it's darker.

Now I really think I am just going crazy.

This never happened before, and I test every month. 

I'm almost afraid to know if this is normal or not. I'd rather just not know and have it in my  head for a whole day that I could possibly be pregnant right now... :) 

(I just saw that my comments setting had been turned off from when I made my blog private a while ago, I fixed it now...please don't tell me I'm crazy though lol, I'd rather live in LaLaLand today) ; )

(I'm so annoyed that my "1" got that sloppy on this...it's hard to write on the bumps with a runny marker)

Tonight I have a sleepover at my dance studio with all 20 of my team kids for their Christmas party. That should take my mind off things, thank goodness! Until then, I'm going to read, do lots of laundry and try to finish our Christmas Cards. If they're still getting darker by Monday I'm going to call our midwife :) 

Have a great day! I know I'm going to :)

-Chelsea Kay- 

Could it Be?! Super Faint...But...

Tonight I took a test around 8pm. Today I am on CD23 on our 5th Cycle of trying...

It is the faintest of faint, but both Matt and I can see it...there is a 2nd line! 

I would only be 3 weeks and 2 days pregnant today.

I'm doing my absolute best to not get too excited right now, but really...that's pretty much impossible.

I just took the picture of the test and couldn't believe that I could still see it. 

I keep zooming in. 

Now that I just put it up here I realize no one is going to be able to see it except me.

Matt promised me that I'm not crazy and that he definitely see's it too. 

Then I cried. Then I jumped around like a crazy woman in the living room and then fell to the ground almost in the same instant sobbing because I was scared that I got that happy. Matt just held me smiling from ear to ear. He said he'll have his real wow moment with the excitement and tears and all that good stuff when the lines are clearly more defined. (Totally understandable.)

{look a tad to the right of the black little marks} 

Maybe I am crazy. 

It is still very early.

We went to Target tonight for a late night run for chewy prenatal vitamins because I gagged and puked up my pill kind yesterday morning (sign of things to come?). We also picked up another box of tests. I used one two days ago and it was obviously negative. I don't know why I am so wasteful with these things. 

I'm going to take one tomorrow afternoon because I feel like tomorrow morning is too close to tonight. Then my team kids and I are having a sleepover at the studio for their Christmas party and I'll take one again on Sunday night after we hang out with our besties Chris & Katie. 

*Side Note*

Gross, but real. I'm super gassy. Toots and burps. All-day-long. This has been happening for the past 2 days. Yesterday and today. Yesterday the following happened...AM, gag/puke prenatal vitamin....toots/burps all day....heartburn at night. I haven't had heartburn since we lived in FL which was almost 4 years ago. 

I'm so nervous right now. But so so so happy. For this moment, I'm just going to let myself be. I'm going to let myself believe it, that I just may be pregnant....

Cycle 5, CD20: Cramping

So I have been having cramping. Just the same as I get before I get my period. It happened a bit during the day yesterday and then all night last night. To the point where it got uncomfortable at times. Then today it was on and off again. More on the left side but mostly just low, period cramp feeling. It's definitely way too early to be period cramps. I usually don't get them until the day before my period or during. No period today so...the question is, what were they? Implantation? God, I hope so. I really can't help getting excited now. I'm still reserved, but excited. Hopeful. I'm still going to test on Friday morning. I can't wait :) 

Impatient: CD18, Cycle 5

I'm really sucking at this waiting game. I wish that I could just not think about it. I know that's all I need to do right now but I can't help it. I am constantly thinking about it. If we're not pregnant this month again I think I am going to talk to a counselor just to make things easier. It's hard to wait for something you have not much control over and you've been waiting for for years. I have always known it wasn't going to be easy for us. I have always had that feeling. All my fears are slowly coming true each month we're not pregnant. Everyday I'm just waiting until the next one so we're closer to being able to test. I just want to know either way. I want to know if I can get excited right now or if I can move on. I don't like this middle stuff. I am such a planner and I'm not doing so hot with this TTC thing. I don't want to have to wait anymore and I obviously know I have no choice. I know the best thing to be doing is keeping my mind off of it. I would do anything to just be able to know now. I have been having a roller coaster of a cycle. I go from feeling totally fine about it to feeling absolutely terrified of having to wait another month...or more. There is no one I can really talk to about it anymore without feeling crazy. There are some things I don't want to hear. I don't want to hear, "If you stop thinking about it, it will happen." I don't want to hear, "Just relax." I really don't want to hear, "It's happening this way for a reason and you'll find out what that is one day, just not right now." I really can't imagine anything that would make waiting like this worth while. I have been off the pill for 7 cycles now. That is a lot of waiting. And I just so happen to be the most impatient person in the world. When I am ready to do something, I do it. If it's hard to do, I find a way to make it happen...always. This is different. There is no way I can just "make it happen." We have done all we can at this point and now we just have to wait. I feel good knowing that our midwife told me that I can have blood work taken in February if we're still not pregnant by then. We'll have Matt checked then, too. This is really one of the hardest things I have ever been through. There are so many emotions involved. Excited, happy, worried, scared, anxious, stressed. How, through all of that, are you supposed to just be calm and "have fun" with it all. I really just don't get that. 

It feels so good to write. Good to know that I can say whatever I want but don't have to hear anything hurtful back. I had a bit of a freak out moment at Thanksgiving. We went around and told everyone what we were thankful for. I said how I was thankful for Matt and how supportive he has been as this has not been easy for me. I cried...a lot. I could barely talk. It was really embarrassing. Then, later that night, our baby names came up. I am not sure how they came up, but it did and we told Chris & Megan our names. I cried like a freak again. Chris didn't realize I was still talking and started being silly and I got so so upset that he would do that in that moment that meant so incredibly much to me that I freaked. I was crying and yelling but mostly just crying. He apologized immediately, not knowing that we were still talking and then I felt bad too for freaking out.

I'm just really sick of being so emotional like this. I'm so jealous of everyone who can just "get pregnant". I realize I am really not alone with how long this is taking. I realize that in reality we haven't been waiting "long" at all compared to some. 

I am just really ready to be done trying. I'm so ready to be pregnant and to be a mom. I want nothing more than to have our baby in our arms. I can't stand this waiting game. I wish we would have started trying earlier. I know I am still young, but that has always been my plan. I always thought by my age I would have a baby already, not still be trying to conceive. Once again...I'm finding that my "plans" aren't always working out the way I had hoped for. We want 3 or 4 kids. At this point I just want to know we can have any. 

Only a few more days until I can start peeing on sticks again to see. I would really do anything to see "pregnant"... It would truly be the best Christmas of all time. 

Cycle 5, CD 14

I have some good feelings about this month and I really hope I'm not jinxing myself by writing this. I have been working really hard lately at trying to be in tune to my body and just more aware. Today, I got up and noticed right away that I didn't feel right. I was super tired. Exhausted really, all day. I taught two classes this morning and kept having to hide my yawns from all the dance moms outside watching. I felt so bad. This afternoon I felt nauseous (I know it's way too early for morning sickness) but it was just one more thing that I was feeling funky with. I also had lower back pain. Just weird.

So I just had an inkling, I know none of those things, other than being tired are ovulation signs, but still. Around 3pm I decided to use one of my wondfos and see if I really was ovulating.

Ding Ding Ding. Two bright identical lines. The test line was actually super dark before the control line even matched up. We had time to do the baby dance again. Yay! 

I took two more tonight and they were still super dark. I'm hoping that means that we got 3 good times in all in my fertile time. We shall see...

I'm going to use my wondfo hpt's next week beginning on Sunday night.

I'm still taking my prenatals and trying to drink more water. 

With Thanksgiving and Christmas kicking into gear starting tomorrow, the wait until then should go fast. I would be 3 weeks and 3 days then, so I could technically know then. I'd also be on CD25 and my cycles are 26 days sometimes. 

I'm just so excited this month. Now that we are using the OPK's I just feel so much better about everything!! :) 

-Chelsea-

Cycle 5, CD 11: Positive OPK!

We bought the good, expensive kind this month.

My midwife told me at my appointment on Tuesday to begin testing with my OPK on Day 10. I started on Day 8 because I'm impatient. 

We got the kind with circles or smiley faces. Got home today from our errands around 4:15pm and I had to pee super bad. The box directions say to not test unless you haven't peed for 4 hours, so while we were out I held it. Tested as soon as I walked in the door and...

SMILEY FACE.

I realize this is not nearly as exciting as a pregnancy test saying positive, but just knowing that "something" was positive was the best feeling ever. Thankfully we have no plans the rest of the night so we were free to do the baby dance immediately. Ha, I was jumping around so excited. I don't think I've ever been more excited about it in all my life. Matt thought it was pretty comical (thankfully I have an awesome husband who gets equally excited about these things). 

Now I am just chillin' in bed hoping that amazing things are happening right now :) Ha. TMI?? I'm kind of the queen of that. We're all human people. I'm just sitting in bed creating one, that's all. Well...hopefully ; ) My mom told me that when she went through all of her fertility treatments that the doctors had her sit in bed for an hour after. I realize I am not going through fertility treatments, but I am also going to stay in bed for an hour. I've got my blogs, Pinterest and my book. I'm good :) Matt was rubbing my tummy, saying "C'mon guys!" I love it. 

I always have such bad feelings thinking that I don't ovulate at all. I am also pleased that I know my body and always knew that I actually do ovulate early. Last month was a weird month where my cycle lasted 31 days when it's usually between 26-29. Now I know I'm going to have another short cycle. Yay!! Less time to wait! 

So this means I ovulate this cycle on CD 12. 

A smiley face has never looked so good before! 

I'll test again tonight and tomorrow morning. We're going to do more dancing tonight and tomorrow morning, too. Fun :)

I'm so so happy right now. This could be the best Christmas of my entire life...

Fingers crossed for a positive pregnancy test next :) 

First Positive OPK 11-18-2012

Visit to our Midwife!

I thought I was due for my annual Pap because I go every November.

I was also excited because this gave me an opportunity to meet with our Midwife again and have a chance to talk to her and hear her thoughts about everything and see that we are in fact doing everything "right". 

I got there (to our amazingly beautiful and brand new hospital) and turns out that I had my last Pap in February so I did not need to get one. I'm not sure why I did it in February last year, maybe I put it off because I hate them? So I was worried that the nurse was going to tell me I should just go home, but she didn't. I got to meet with Lori (I'm not sure how she spells her name) again and again, I loved her :)

I feel super comfortable with her and am able to just be myself and ask questions without feeling judged in any way at all. 

She told me that it sounds like we're doing everything right, I just need to continue to work on being stress free and to "just have fun". I've never been good at "just having fun"...even when I was little. My parents would scold me when I was little for not just being like a kid. "Chelsea, just go play!...always followed by tears and me saying, "But I just don't-know-how!" I wasn't kidding. I was a weird little kid always trying to find ways to make money and start businesses lol. 

Anyways, Lori told me today that we should continue using our OPK's and this month I should pee on the sticks beginning on Day 10. Then, when I get a positive test, we should do the baby dance that day and the next two days and we should be good to go.

IF, I am not pregnant by February, then she said I can come in to start blood work, get an ultrasound to make sure my tubes aren't blocked and for Matt to get checked too. She said she doesn't think that will be needed if we do the OPK's and I chill :) 

As I was leaving through the doors to the lobby she called one more time and said, "Remember, just have fun!" So...I started the day off right. I went down to the gift shops (which carry Lululemon and all the top brand baby items...) and I bought myself a new sweater...an $87.00 sweater! Eek lol, I've never done that before. It actually felt so good. I didn't regret it at all. 

I'm really excited about this month and about using the OPK's. 

Matt and I agreed that we're going to go to Walgreens and get the good ones for this month instead of using the Wondfo's that I have left. 

I WILL however, be using those for the actual tests at the end of this cycle because you can tell so much sooner. Oh my goodness, I get so excited and emotional just thinking about it. 

I'm so excited to go back to the clinic. I really get such a happy feeling there. There were so many pregnant women in the lobby. One was there with her husband and mom and I could tell she was there to be induced. She was nervous/excited and it made me smile to myself to see :) I can't wait for that to be us...

*sigh* I'm feeling really just happy right now....I feel great about things!

-Chelsea-

*Baby Item Wishlist*

Let me start by saying, I have the best husband in the world.

This morning he took me to a shop in Bellevue called Merry Go Round. It is a baby/children's store that has all the top strollers and baby items. He knew I have been researching strollers for months now and that it is really important that before we have a baby that we have an incredible stroller. This is an item we are willing to spend the $$$ on.  When I told him about this shop, he was okay with going with me too browse, "as long as he didn't have to talk to the store people" :) 

The one we liked best today at this store is the UPPAbaby Vista 2012.

It is $699.99. It comes with both the seat and bassinet. The bassinet can be used from birth to 6 months. It has an x-large storage basket underneath. Seeing this stroller in person, the basket really is huge. The handle is height adjustable so that when Matt uses it we can put it higher. It is extremely smooth to push and turn. We did not get a chance to see how it folds down, but on the site it says that it has a one-step fold system. We are not big hikers, so this stroller will work perfectly for us. 

We have also decided on which baby carrier we want.

We will be getting the Ergobaby Original Baby Carrier. I have worn both the Ergo and a Bjorn while nannying and really do not like the Bjorn. It's really uncomfortable for me. The Ergo is so comfortable though. The baby feels secure and I never feel like I have to "hold on". It doesn't hurt my back and they aren't hideous to look at. I used to not like how the kids legs looked when seeing other moms wear them, but once I actually tried it I realized that they way they are seated is actually very comfortable. 

For $115.00, we will definitely be investing in this carrier.

I am already excited for Disneyland next year knowing I'll get to bring these items with us. They will both make Disneyland a much easier trip. If all goes according to plan and we do get pregnant this month, then our baby would be around 3 months old when we go. (We wouldn't plan for that, it's because I take my dance kids). 

Today we were walking around the mall and Matt told me I had to stop staring at people's strollers because a Dad was looking at me weird. He thought I was looking at his baby lol. Oops...

I just like to scope it all out. 

We also found the Moses Basket that we will be getting. 

We decided a long time ago that we would be getting a Moses Basket to use as a bassinet for our baby in our room when they're still a newborn and not in their crib yet. It's so convenient because if you need them to fall asleep close to you, you can bring the basket wherever you need to. We can also take it on trips with us. The one we found at Merry Go Round is absolutely adorable and felt very durable. It could definitely last through all of our kids. And, it has elephants on it (my favorite) so Matt said that is definitely the pattern we should get :) I love that man. 

Sometimes it just feels better to go out and really research all these things as if it will for sure be happening. I'm having a super positive attitude this month and am going to just go out there and say that this is our month. I can feel it. I'm not stressed out with work, at all. Things are falling into place at home. It just feels like the right time. It would be the best Christmas present of all time, too. 

Today is just CD4, but I'm so excited! I am so ready for this. 

I cannot think of anything better than being able to tell my parents we are having a baby in person.

I would be almost 7 weeks pregnant on Christmas Day. I would love nothing more than to be able to tell my family. Being 2,000 miles away is going to be hard for this, but being together for that moment would mean the world to me. I already know how I'd want to tell my mom & dad. : )

I could do some baby shopping with my mom while we are there and that would be so much fun too! 

.............................................................................

I'm going to go relax and work on my new Disney World puzzle and read "The Pact" :) 

-Chelsea- 

Here We Go Cycle #5

Today is unfortunately CD1...again. 

I had such a stressful month preparing to take my team kids to Disneyland.

Then, once we got to Disneyland, I hadn't realized my period was late...until it was 3 days late.

I was super excited while we were there. 

When we got home we took a test. We used the expensive digital one we were saving. The kind that actually say, "pregnant" or "not pregnant". 

It said... "Not Pregnant". Matt agreed, it was the biggest slap in the face. 

Then 2 days went by and still no period. 

I was getting a little worried that I was just going to skip it completely.

Then today...it showed up. So here we are, back to CD1. For the 5th time now. 

My cycle 4 was 31 days long. So now I can no longer say it's consistent. I have had a few 26 day cycles, 29 day cycles and now a 31 day cycle. I'm not really sure what to do. 

7th cycle off the pill & 5th cycle really trying.

I made an appointment for my yearly and made the appointment with our midwife so that hopefully she can answer some of my questions. I know we still haven't been trying long enough to be truly worried, but I am getting pretty tired of it. I do not want to have to buy another box of tampons for a long, long time. 

Matt said he has a good feeling about this month. 

I have had good feelings about every month. 

It would really be the best Christmas present of all time. 

This Month's Plan:

*Baby Dance every other day

*Drink lots of water, take prenatals, eat healthier

*Reduce stress (yoga, less working hours)

*Relax a LOT

*Breathe

*Have fun and enjoy the holidays 

All I want for Christmas is a positive test. That's the only thing...