I peed on a stick...

And I'm ovulating!!

I gave up yesterday. I gave up on the whole thing. I told Matt that I was ready to take a break. I told my Mom and Mel & Clint that we are taking a break.

I had peed on about 20 sticks and was not ovulating. Nothing was happening. Then today, after lunch, we were rushing out the door and I made the split second decision. "Hey Matt, I'm going to pee on just one more stick."..."I thought you were going to stop that and relax?"..."Yeah, I will, just one more!"

I peed on it...and..thank goodness I did!

It's finally positive!

CD15 ovulater here!

My cycles are usually 26 days so I never thought I would ovulate that close to the end of my cycle.

Which is probably why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. We usually chill out around CD14. 

Unfortunately, I've just gotten home from work and it's 9:00pm. We're eating dinner right now and then we'll get to work ; ) I'm worried we're too late. I took another one tonight and it was a tad bit lighter. 

I'm just so happy to know I ovulate. I was worried that I didn't :) Yay!!! Even if this isn't our month, I have hope again and it feels good. 

-Chelsea-

Proof & Signs

Proof that I'm not crazy and I do ovulate earlier like I thought. 

I have taken three tests now and they are already getting darker each time. 

Not all the way yet, but definitely darker each time. I think I ovulate on day 12 or 13, today is day 9. I need to do more research on how these sticks work though. 

I started taking them yesterday, just for fun. I saw how light it was and laughed at myself.

Then this morning I though, "why not...I'll just do it again, I have 40 of them!" And then...this afternoon..same thing but it got so much darker. Now I'm just curious and am going to keep going. It definitely doesn't match yet, but it's closer than yesterday. 

So there is the "proof" part of this post, now for the "signs" part.

We went to lunch at Panera today and I saw 3 or 4 pregnant women in there. (They're seriously everywhere). Then we walked over to Target to just walk around before heading home and...at least 3-4 more pregnant women. I was starting to get annoyed. Then I looked down the aisle and our midwife was there, in her scrubs, probably on her lunch break. I quick squeezed Matt's arm whisper begging him if I could ask her a question (half joking...kind of...maybe) and said, "It's a SIGN." She wouldn't remember who we are because we just had one consultation appointment in May. She told us at that appointment that I didn't need to worry or come back to her unless I needed to get my pap or we had been trying for a year. Well, just so happens that I'm due for my pap next month, so pregnant or not, I'll get to see her and talk to her again about everything. (Good timing!) Oh...and when we got to the checkout....the two women in front of us.....both pregnant. Seriously people?! 

While I'm writing (venting)...here is my least favorite thing to hear, "If you just stop trying, it will happen." That's usually followed by a, "That's what we did" or a "that happened to my friend." Lately I can't keep my mouth quiet and have been responding by, "Well, it's kind of hard for us to stop wanting a family...." That usually ends it. But still...not fun to hear, not helpful really at all.

I also hear, "You need to just relax." Ha! Yeah, okay. Running a business while teaching 21 classes/week doesn't allow much time to relax. I'm doing better mentally relaxing and not thinking about baby making as such a "Hurry up and do it" thing anymore. I'm having fun with these ovulation sticks. I look forward to peeing lol. I love that I have 37 left. Then I have 15 pregnancy tests too. 

I'm not testing until we're on our 2nd to last day at Disneyland though. 

I'm just so excited right now. We're on Month #4/ Cycle #4 of trying so maybe my body is finally ready and cleared from being on the pill. I've always been on and off the pill. The longest I was ever on it at one time was probably a year. I was so bad about taking it. I've been off the pill for 6 months now. 

I've also been taking my prenatal vitamins for that long. I'm pretty good about taking them every night. I've taken a jar and a half of them so far. I know I need to eat more fruit and continue working on drinking more water. Other than that though, all I can really do is just sit back and enjoy the ride. Work is calming down slightly. Financially we're way better than we were even last month. Things are looking up. 

We are just 15 days from Disneyland and I am so so excited about that! I have butterflies thinking about it :) 

-Chelsea-

They're Here, They're Here!

My Ovulations Sticks have arrived!! All 40 of them : )

I ordered them on Amazon last week when I got my period and now they're here.

I was so excited (even though it's only Day 8) that I had to try one right away.

I ran in the house all excited from getting the mail and opened the box right away to show Matt. I said, "Look! My ovulation sticks are here! I have to pee in a cup and then dip it in every time I pee until it's positive."...... then it got quiet .....Matt's response, "Which cup?!" Ha! (fyi, I used a plastic party cup and then threw it out).

I'm just excited to be able to know if I even ovulate or not. 

I just tried it and there was a super super faint line, hopefully that means there's hope :)

I'm not going to do it again until tomorrow because I don't want to waste them and it was so faint. 

I think I ovulate between days 12 and 13 because my cycle is so short. Last month my cycle was regular 28 days which means I could have ovulated later and didn't know it. I'm just glad I have these for this time around so I can see.

I'm pretty excited about them. 

At the same time though, I'm enjoying my time alone with Matt and having more time to get my business organized and ready. I also keep planning trips we can go on each month longer that I'm not pregnant. Like right now, if we get pregnant this month, I'll only be about 27 weeks when we go to Disney World for my birthday in April. That's totally do-able. 

So excited!

-Chelsea-  

Cycle 4:: Welcome!

Cycle 4, you're here.

Today is Day 1 all over again.

I bought ovulation sticks on Amazon so I will be using those this month.

There is lots to be excited about this month, we leave for Disneyland in 23 days. So, next time it's time to take a test, I'll get to take it at our hotel at Disney! 

Matt believes this is the month that's meant to be...no pressure or anything ; )

Our new due date would be July 15th...just 2 days before Disneyland's Anniversary!

We could have a true Disney baby. How awesome if they were born on the 17th. That's right before Matt's birthday too, just a week before.

Matt also thinks this is the month so that we can tell all my family in person when we go home for Christmas! We shall see...

We will definitely be trying.

Hopefully the ovulation tests will help. I ordered 40 of them, so I should be good ; ) I'll just take one every time I pee that week lol.

I am having some awesome cramps right now which I haven't had in a long time, so that's not fun.

I'm hopeful though. I am going to do some things different this month.

I am going to eat healthier and I am not going to drink any caffeine or alcohol. 

That may be tricky with all the yummy Starbucks holiday treat drinks, but it's worth it. 

I'm also going to try to pack on a few pounds. I am one point underweight so I know that's not helping any. 

I have high hopes again. Day 1 is a fresh start.

I hate the last two weeks waiting, but now that Disneyland is at the end of the month there is something else to take my mind off of that.

This month is also a lot less stressful than last month so that will help too :) I'm using all the time I'm not teaching to just chill.

Matt's trying to get healthy too. He's out for a long walk with Cogsy right now. He's going to try to do that everyday. 

Everything helps!

Finger crossed for month #4!!

-Chelsea-  

Cycle 3, Day 28...confused & hopeful.

I thought I was getting my period on Saturday morning.

I had light spotting-ish. 

 I wasn't thinking about it though, just did what I needed to do and went about my day.

Then later in the day when it was time to change..(TMI)...there was nothing. 

This early this morning when I woke up and had to pee, light pink spotting again. Just a tiny, tiny bit.

I thought for sure my period would then be here today (I never get spotting first...it's always just here). 

Now it's 3:45pm and still absolutely nothing. No more spotting...nothing. 

I took a test on Friday night and Saturday morning and they were both negative.

Then I got excited and bought more and took another one...negative. 

My cycle has been consistent at 26 days. 

I feel no signs of my period coming, except for the two times this weekend of little spotting. 

I had such a good feeling just now that it was going to be positive. 

I feel bad spending $20.00 on the tests. 

There is one left and if I don't get my period by Tuesday morning I'm going to use it then. Until then...I need a big lesson in patience. And need to remember that it is completely normal for my period to be this off. It's just 2 days late. Tomorrow it will be just 3. 

Today I would be 4 weeks pregnant. 

I have only cried just a tiny bit on Friday night, or maybe Thursday night. I think it had more to do with me being exhausted than sad though. Last night we were at Mel & Clint's house and I felt exhausted like I could fall asleep by like 7:30pm. 

I get like that around my period too, so I have no idea what's going on.

I'm anxious. 

-Chelsea-

Cycle 3, Day 26 Lots of Thoughts

Today should be the last day of this cycle.

I have already mentally prepared myself for Day 1 to be tomorrow.

I cried a little bit last night. Probably a mix of being exhausted and just the mental toll this is taking on me. I do not want tomorrow to be Day 1. I want to be pregnant tomorrow. I am not going to even buy any tests until Sunday. I had weird crampy feelings a couple times though and I went to bed at 9:15 last night, which is usually how I am before my period. I also broke out on my face, which also happens every month a few days before my period.

I am not patient. At all.

I can't imagine going through this hurry up and wait all over again next month. I always knew it was going to take us more than one try. Now though, we are at the end of Cycle 3 and the end of my 5th month off of birth control. Those first two months we didn't use any protection either, but we weren't "trying" like we are now. If I am going on to cycle 4 this weekend, I am going to invest in some Ovulation Tests. Just a cheapy pack from Amazon. 

I know that there are millions of people out there who have had to wait a lot longer than 3/5 months. And now, I just have a feeling I will be one of them. I know its completely normal for it to take up to a year. I just really do not like going through this each month. Like I told Matt last night. I just always feel like I'm counting my days instead of enjoying them. Always finding ways to make the month go faster, ways to make the days go faster. I hate that. I was doing such a good job before we started trying of living for the moment. Now its the opposite. 

I am literally just waiting for my period to come. 

What a negative way to look at things, huh?

I have to change that. 

This month I had a "just do it" attitude and now I'm regretting it.

I drank more than usual because we were on vacation, I ate lots of tuna because its my favorite...like tuna sandwich every day (yum!) and I haven't been avoiding stress, I've been taking it head on. 

Now I'm feeling a little guilty (minus the tuna lol). 

I still take my prenatal vitamins every night after dinner. I have been taking those since May so almost 6 months. 

Maybe this is just a sign that we are not ready yet. There are a lot of things that I think about each month we aren't pregnant. Like, "Okay, we are one month closer to all our debt being gone," "We are one month closer to Matt getting a job," "We are one month closer to getting a 4-door car," and "We are one month closer to having savings." Those are all good things. I can't help but think if we aren't pregnant this time, that Matt's going to be happy so that I can go on the rides with him at Disneyland at the end of the month. I'd rather sit on the side knowing theres a baby in my tummy and daydream about how much fun it will be to bring them there. 

I just don't want to get my hopes up anymore. I'm sick of doing that. I am ready this time. When I get my period I will just look at it as a fresh start. As one more month to be more prepared. 

I'm sure I will write more this weekend.

Today Matt has a counseling appointment and we have Avery here. I'm going to walk around the mall with her while he's there and then we're going out to lunch. 

Tomorrow my dance kids are in our towns local parade and then we're going to sleepover at Matt's sister's new house. At least I'll be busy. 

Cycle 3: Day 20

Last month I got my hopes up way too high and bought pregnancy tests and brought them with us to take on our cruise. I bought the expensive good digital ones and used all three of them because I was sure I was. I thought I "felt different". It was just all in my head. I'm trying so hard to not do that this month, it's just so hard. No matter what cycle we are on, now or a year from now, I know I'll always be hopeful and excited. That's just who I am. 

I am making some changes this week to prepare ECD. I am doing first round interviews for new teachers tomorrow. I am currently teaching 20 classes/month along with running the entire studio alone. I counted this weekend and we have 50 classes/week running.

Being gone on two vacations this month was amazing and fun, but lots of things went wrong while I was gone. It was a big reality check that I can't do it alone. I need some more amazing and reliable teachers. I have one right now who I know will be amazing when I need her to jump in. I just know I need at least two more like that. 

I don't want to be stressed right now. 

I had a big talk with Mama L this weekend about stress and how that effects the baby while you're pregnant. If this isn't our month again, I will have comfort in knowing the baby felt less stress.

And...if I am in fact pregnant right now, I am really really sorry and am doing all I can to chill--out and not do everything myself at work. Delegate, delegate, delegate. 

Tonight Matt and I went and hung out at the mall and then went and got sushi. I nommed on avocado rolls just in case :) ....okay....I can't lie, I had one California Roll because they're my favorite. I also drank a lot in Whistler, well, not a lot, just more than usual. I would have only "just" been pregnant, so I'm not feeling too guilty about that. I was relaxed and having fun, which I needed. 

We went to Barnes & Noble tonight and I got a new book that is just a fun one to read. And hopefully one I can put to good use sooner than later. It's called, "The Pregnancy Countdown Book", and it is a countdown from day 280 with tips, advice and funny truths. I was reading the week 1, 2 and 3 (because that is what I will be tomorrow) and it was super cool. I almost put it back, but then Matt turned me around and said if I didn't buy it he was going to :) 

Something that stuck out to me for weeks 2 and 3 was that you would be more tired. Like 7pm wanting to "hit the hay", that would be me. It's hard to say though because getting back from vacation yesterday brought on lots to do with work this morning. 

We shall see.

Writing helps the wait. 

We're still earlier than the average time to get pregnant, I believe that is 4 cycles. 

We "had fun" way more than usual this month to try something different. It was fun to change it up. Cycles 1 and 2 we tried every other day. This cycle we did it every day from day 7-18. Ha, maybe that's why I'm tired ; ) I didn't chart this month because it stressed me out last month because my chart never went up. I woke up at different times everyday on accident and I just didn't like doing it. It would have been too hard being on vacation for 8 of the days. 

Everyone has different tips and the one I hear most is, "just relax and have fun." That's what we did this month. We'll see if that worked. My goal is to wait until next Saturday to test. That would be Day 27 and my cycles are only 26 days long. I just hope this week goes fast. I hate this week of the month....fingers are crossed...I would love to buy 3 little pumpkins this year!